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The Future Former Lawyer of Lindsay Lohan

Every lawyer wants his name in lights, right? We all crave billboards and bus stop signs and seeing our faces on the evening news at least once a week, right? Any attention is good attention, isn’t it? Why then aren’t lawyers throwing elbows to help out tabloid superstar Lindsay Lohan?

This blurb at the Superficial amusingly jokes about Lindsay Lohan’s newest lawyer’s performance and her reaction:

Within the first five minutes of representing her in court he hit on the judge then spent the rest of the time rubbing his lucky rabbit foot which even to someone as dumb as Lindsay Lohan, was a sure sign she’s going right the fuck to jail. So now she wants a new lawyer, but surprisingly there’s not one in Hollywood who will accept blowjobs for payment.

The author cites another article about how Lindsay Lohan is stunned she keeps being turned down by “top lawyers” out of respect for her previous lawyer, someone for whom they apparently have tremendous respect. It’s also because they know she still owes that other lawyer hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yikes.

Here’s the author’s amusing analysis of the situation:

Of course Lindsay Lohan is absolutely stunned this is happening to her. All she did was not pay her last attorney then fire her once she found some shyster who will work for free who she now already wants to fire. She’s practically a dream client, you guys. It’s not fair.

Whoever writes the Superficial should probably teach a continuing legal education course. He sees the problem with this type of client, but sadly, he is being too kind to lawyers as a whole.

I imagine Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t have any problem finding a lawyer if she only looked online. Although I’m usually skeptical of the term “top lawyers,” words typically reserved for puffery by ambitious people with neither abilities nor accomplishments, the fact the “top lawyers” she’s calling are turning her down makes me think she may actually be contacting the best of the best. If she’d just Google those words, she’d find pages of lawyers happy to help her whether she pays them or not. They might even make her appreciate her current lawyer. Or maybe not.

Curious about the type of guy who’d take on that sort of client, I found an article containing this picture:

lindsay lohan courtroom 660 fox2

Oddly, this isn’t the first time I’ve posted a picture of an attorney getting a not-so-nice look from his client. This time, however, the accompanying article gives me some real concerns about the lawyer. Here is a summary of the things from the article that stood out to me:

-He’s a New York-based attorney who isn’t even licensed in California
-He was “one of the first in his industry” to take out full-page advertisements
-He was previously charged with “deceit, puffery, abusive treatment of clients, fee gouging, neglect and willful failure to return unearned retainers to clients” (no doubt related to the previous thing that stood out to me about the lawyer)
-He was disbarred for five years for that

On top of that, another article claims that his “love for publicity is highly irritating Lindsay,” no small feat I am sure, and that he “is fond of holding press conferences,” having recently done one after meeting with prosecutors in the case.

Taking all that into account, my first thought is that I can’t for the life of me figure out why this guy isn’t on Twitter. I can’t even find his blog to bookmark for later reference or like his Facebook page. He’d make all kinds of friends using social media, wouldn’t he?

My other thought is that he’s probably just what she needs. She obviously wants a “top lawyer,” and I suspect he fancies himself a “top lawyer” based on his earlier groundbreaking marketing tactics and love of publicity. If it weren’t for the perversion of those words in legal field right now, a grand profession that now calls itself an “industry” and painfully clamors to be cutting edge in its marketing while its members sprint to the bottom, I might not fault her for looking for someone who fits that vague bill. She might be looking for a skilled professional with her best interests in mind. Instead, given the current state of the profession and what little I know about Lindsay Lohan, I suspect she’s looking for someone marketed to be a “top lawyer” in order to feed her sense of self-importance. They may be a match made in heaven.

Speculation aside, all I really know for sure is that I’m glad no one sits next to me taking pictures of my clients’ reactions while I address the court. I’m also glad I don’t represent Lindsay Lohan. Being the future former lawyer of Lindsay Lohan doesn’t sound like an enviable job.

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4 Responses to "The Future Former Lawyer of Lindsay Lohan"

  1. […] time that I occasionally forget there are those among us with egos that defy belief. People like Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer. Or Mickey Sherman, […]

  2. Dave says:

    It kind of amazes me how many times she’s been in court and even late to court without much repercussions. Hopefully she can get her life together.

  3. Mark Draughn says:

    Lindsay’s got a way with the lawyers. Even when she doesn’t get past the consultation, they still turn out to be…of a certain kind.


  4. […] The future former lawyer of Lindsay Lohan [Brown & Little] […]

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