Dear Bad Prosecutor:

Your job is not to argue with everything I say. The interests of justice do not always require that my client receives the maximum fine or prison sentence. Many of my clients deserve bail or commutation. You are allowed to concede points when you do not have a good reason to disagree. I promise.

Believe it or not, I am not going to lie and cheat in order to gain some kind of advantage. My goal in this pretrial is not to trick you. Although you are just covering, I am not a high school student, and I do not view you as a substitute teacher. I do not intend to do anything to jeopardize my bar license, now or ever.

You have looked over the file for about ten seconds. It isn’t even your case. Please look over things a little harder before you question my credibility. It might not be on the first page, but it is in your file. You will look very stupid when it turns out the judge knows the case better than you do and realizes I am right.

If you are having trouble grasping these concepts, I can put you in touch with one of the many fantastic prosecutors I encounter almost every day in almost every jurisdiction. You are not too old to figure out how this prosecutor thing works. Some of your colleagues are great at their jobs, and you could learn a lot from them if you wanted.