They Love Me, They Really Do!

Previously, Avvo was content to link other people’s profiles to me and ask me to claim other people’s profiles, but now it seems they’ve stepped up their game. This morning I received an email saying I’ve been ranked a 7 out of 10. I’d say it’s pretty much the feeling an actor gets being nominated for an Oscar, but I’m trying not to let it go to my head.

Curious to see how my big 7 stacks up, I went and found the profile for Tom Horne, Attorney General for the State of Arizona and a lawyer who Avvo once thought worked for me. Embarrassingly for me, he’s apparently moved on to bigger and better things. He’s a 7.3 now. Well aren’t we fancy, Mr. Horne? I still suspect his numbers are artificially inflated because of his previous Avvo connection with my prestigious firm.

I then looked up my business partner, Adrian Little, who is also a 7. Fascinatingly, he also practices “33% Native Peoples Law.” I suspect that’s news to him. I also wonder what on earth that actually means. Plus, why the hell haven’t our phones been blowing up with big money prospective native peoples law clients? And I thought all the big money was on the internet…

Next, I tried to think of the most famous criminal defense lawyers in the state, the guys who seem to have some sort of celebrity status in the criminal defense community. Sure, I have no personal knowledge about any of these guys and their actual abilities, but I was a little surprised to see Larry Kazan and Larry Debus with a sad little 6.9 each. If they don’t step it up, pretty much every high profile client in the state might quit hiring them. The same must be true of Mel McDonald, former Superior Court Judge for Maricopa County and United States Attorney for the District of Arizona, and Larry Hammond, who started the Arizona Justice Project and served as an Assistant Watergate Special Prosecutor and First Deputy Assistant Attorney General during the Carter Administration. They’re 6.5s. How embarrassing. Holy crap am I awesome.

And, of course, I couldn’t help but look up my friend and former employer, Marc Victor. I’m pretty irritated to see that he edges me out by 0.1 points. I guess it must be something about the fact he has over three times the experience I do, is a certified specialist in criminal law, and actually has a profile with information in it. Sure is tough to squeeze a tenth of a point from those stingy bastards at Avvo, isn’t it?

Anyway, I’d like to thank all the little people for my 7 on Avvo. Although it may seem that Avvo doesn’t know anything about me, as my page only reflects things put up by other people, my “very good” rating validates the exceptionally high opinion I try to have of myself. Maybe one day those sub-7 well-known Arizona attorneys with 161 years of experience between them can break through the glass ceiling that is an Avvo 7 and join the elite like me. All it takes is 5 years of experience, which Avvo generously rounds up to 6 (thanks, guys!), and an inherent awesomeness that Avvo has obviously recognized despite the lack any evidence in front of them to support it.